Monday, July 07, 2008

Sunday, July 06, 2008

Stanley Kubrick

The man is a genius.

care to dispute?

you might find my foot where your teeth used to be.

I'm watching The Shining. so i'ma go about my business.

you go and do yours.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired

I was bored. I wasn't in the mood to write. So i turned on my T.V.
I couldn't shut it off afterwards.
I never realized how much i liked Roman Polanski's movies, yet i knew nothing about him. 've only heard what many people know. He was a child molester and he ran out of this country because he was going to do time in jail.
Now i know the truth.
This documentary was absolutely amazing. I learned of things about his life and his unlawful sexual conduct (not rape) case that i never knew, and surely not many current americans knew either.
Joe Bini, Peter G. Morgan and Marina Zenovich (who also directed the film) put together this tragic yet triumphant tale to absolute perfection. From growing up in Nazi Germany, where he lost both his mother and his father, to his wifes' infamous murder (Sharon Tate), you're given an understanding of this mans life.
I'm not sure how he's survived all the horrible events that continued to plague him.
He did what he did, i don't condone it and i don't agree with it and in no way do i excuse what happened. But i learned to have such a high respect for that man. His desire to live and be great inspires me.
We all have flaws, some worse than others. He paid for his and moved on. That's what we should all do. Move on.
If you have a love for documentaries and HBO on Demand, i'd recommend watching it. I've seen it 5 times already. Tonight might be my sixth.

shit is starting to hit the fan. pt 2

we really do underappreciate the way our government works. even our currupt politicians aren't this cold. im intrigued with this whole situation.

there's a blog by a journalist at, he's actually there describing the scene in a journal. he has to switch names and locations for the entire parties' protection.

the missing people.
the funerals.
the starving families.

here's the blog, starting with Day 1)

and here we bitch about the AC not working correctly.
im bitching about health care.
but down there. no one CARES.

that's reality.

once again, here's another article on the events.

JOHANNESBURG, South Africa - Zimbabwe opposition leader Morgan Tsvangirai on Wednesday rejected an African Union decision to keep South Africa's president alone in charge of efforts to resolve Zimbabwe's political crisis.

Tsvangirai said the Movement for Democratic Change would not participate in talks about forming a governing accord with President Robert Mugabe's government unless an additional mediator was appointed.

The comments came a day after an AU summit reconfirmed South Africa President Thabo Mbeki as mediator. Tsvangirai has repeatedly called on Mbeki to step down, saying Mbeki's refusal to publicly criticize Mugabe amounts to appeasement. Mugabe has extolled Mbeki's role.

"Unless the mediation team is expanded ... and the mediation mechanism is changed, no meaningful progress can be made toward resolving the Zimbabwe crisis," Tsvangirai told reporters at his home in Harare, Zimbabwe's capital.

"If this does not happen, then the MDC will not be part of the mediation process," Tsvangirai said.
Tsvangirai won the most votes in the first round of presidential voting on March 29, but not the simple majority needed to avoid a runoff against Mugabe. Mugabe is accused of unleashing violence against the opposition to ensure victory in the second round and Tsvangirai withdrew from Friday's vote, citing attacks on his supporters.

Mugabe held the vote anyway despite international condemnation. He was declared the overwhelming winner Sunday and immediately held an inauguration ceremony.

Tsvangirai said Wednesday that the violence in Zimbabwe has continued, with at least nine of his supporters killed since Friday's vote. He also said hundreds had been beaten and forced to flee their homes since the runoff.

The U.S. ambassador to Zimbabwe, James McGee, also said violence and intimidation was continuing, and had affected an embassy employee.

McGee said a Zimbabwean driver for the embassy disappeared three days ago, emerging Wednesday to say he had been accosted by unknown assailants, blindfolded and taken to a small room where he was questioned and denied food or water.

McGee would not describe the questions, but said the incident appeared to be an attempt to try to intimidate people connected with the U.S. Embassy. McGee has been a vocal and frequent critic of Mugabe.

"The violence seems to be at least at the same level (as before the runoff). It may even be getting worse," McGee said in an interview. "We've heard stories, unconfirmed, of hit lists. But we do know for a fact that people are being murdered. People continue to disappear."

Zimbabwean state media, meanwhile, focused on reports the government was willing to talk and prominently showed official tallies from the one-candidate presidential runoff. The prominence given the results appeared to underline Mugabe's expectations of being the senior partner in any deal with Tsvangirai.

Mbeki's spokesman Mukoni Ratshitanga said any question of expanding the mediation team would have to be left to the Southern African Development Community, the main regional body that appointed Mbeki mediator more than a year ago, and that the AU should remain in charge of the effort.

"We will continue to engage with both parties in Zimbabwe," Ratshitanga added. "It would be strange if it was ever suggested that the best way to solve problems between parties is not to talk."

Mbeki told state television late Tuesday that he saw his role as merely helping Zimbabweans resolve their own crisis, rejecting outside intervention.

Mbeki was asked about calls in Europe for Tsvangirai to lead any coalition government. Mbeki says that is a question for Zimbabweans.

"Certainly SADC and certainly the African continent has not made any prescription about the outcome of what Zimbabweans should negotiate among themselves," Mbeki said.
French Foreign Minister Bernard Kouchner told France 2 public TV on Tuesday that the European Union would not accept any Zimbabwe government other than one led by Tsvangirai.
Kouchner, speaking in Paris at the launch of the French EU presidency, said the Zimbabwe government will be illegitimate if it is not led by the head of opposition. He called last week's presidential runoff a "farce."

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

shit is starting to hit the fan.

this is how wars begin.

since the days of WWI and WWII things have changed and all countries take a far more diplomatic approach, on some cold war shit. sit in a room and debate.

but some people you just can't get through.

former heros turned foes.

it's all starting with south africa.

if you dont know what's been going on, general elections were going on in Zimbabwe to vote in a new president. President Robert Mugabe's government has been around since he helped bring independance to Zimbabwe in 1980. this dude held promise, he was liked and respect.

but as we all know, power is the most potent drug on earth. it's ingredience contain the sins of man. and he's be taking hits for 20+ years.

Morgan Tsvangirai was the man trying to beat Mugabe and bring peace and hope back to Zimbabwe. unfortuately, he and his team have been beaten, arrested, avoided assassination attempts (Tsvangirai survived THREE in this ONE election) and have to sit and watch while the people of Zimbabwe are being starved (Mugabe has cut all international aid) to death.

shit is getting real. peep the article below.

JOHANNESBURG, South Africa - Zimbabwe's opposition took a hard line Tuesday on possible negotiations with President Robert Mugabe's government, saying Mugabe had closed the door by going ahead with a sham election.

Humanitarian agencies, meanwhile, warned that millions were at risk of hunger in Zimbabwe if the government failed to lift its ban on aid agencies. The government had accused independent aid groups of supporting the opposition, charges the groups denied. Ever since the June 5 ban, aid groups say the government has given food primarily to Mugabe supporters.

In a statement Tuesday from Harare, the capital of Zimbabwe, Tendai Biti, a top leader of the Zimbabwean opposition's Movement for Democratic Change, dismissed speculation that his party and Mugabe's ZANU-PF were about to embark on talks to govern together.

"Nothing can be as malicious and as further from the truth," said Biti, who is out on bail on Zimbabwe treason charges that carry the death penalty. "There are no talks or discussions taking place between the two parties and most importantly, there is no agreement in the offing."

Biti said while the opposition had been open to bringing moderate ZANU-PF members into a government it hoped to lead, Mugabe had closed the door on that possibility by going ahead with a presidential runoff widely condemned as a sham.

Mugabe on Sunday was declared winner of Friday's one-candidate presidential runoff and immediately held an inauguration ceremony. He then flew to an African Union summit in Egypt.

Mugabe's spokesman on Tuesday said the man who has led Zimbabwe for 28 years will not step down and said Western critics who called the country's recent election a sham can "go hang."

A Biti aide, Nqobizitha Mlilo, could not comment on what the party would do if the path of negotiation was abandoned, but said the party was insisting that Mugabe step down.
"They lost the election," he said, referring to the opposition's majority in Parliament after the last election. "They must go."

Opposition leader Morgan Tsvangirai won more votes than the other three candidates in the first round of presidential voting in Zimbabwe in March, but not the simple majority needed to avoid a runoff against the second-place finisher, Mugabe.

Mugabe is accused of unleashing violence against the opposition after the first round to ensure victory in the second. The attacks reached such a scale that Tsvangirai withdrew from the June 27 runoff and fled to the Dutch Embassy in Harare.

Mlilo said there were fears in Zimbabwe that opposition supporters and rights activists would now be subjected to a new crackdown because turnout for the presidential runoff was low.
"The only way they can continue to govern is through violence," he said.

Human Rights Watch says Mugabe supporters beat people who couldn't prove they voted, and four white farmers were reported hospitalized after brutal beatings by Mugabe loyalists on Sunday, the day Mugabe was inaugurated. White farmers have often been targeted by Mugabe militants.

In Geneva, John Holmes, the U.N. undersecretary-general for humanitarian affairs, said Tuesday he was very concerned about 2 million to 4 million Zimbabweans who have become increasingly dependent on food aid.

"We expect a poor harvest again in Zimbabwe," Holmes said, referring to the crop of winter wheat due in the coming months.

Zimbabwe's main harvest in April was already at a record low mainly because of lack of rain, untimely delivery of seeds and a shortage of fertilizer, the U.N.'s Food and Agriculture Organization said.

A joint report by the FAO and the World Food Program has estimated the number of Zimbabweans suffering from food insecurity will rise to 3.8 million between July and October and reach more than 5 million at the height of the lean season between January and March 2009.

"Stopping those (shipments) for three or four weeks is a problem but is not a disaster," Holmes said. "(Stopping for longer) is going to be an enormous problem."
By SABRINA SHANKMAN, Associated Press Writer

Friday, June 27, 2008


it's funny, even though this shit is open to people, no one hits it up which leaves me free to babble about whatever the fuck i want.

i wanna slits wrists with an emo midget.
maybe we could listen to hawthorne hieghts and hold each other.
put eyeliner on and shop for our 'little sisters'. those pants are for ME. shhhhh.
let's wear REALLY bright AND dark colors so everyone KNOWS we're different.
i like to write poetry in my blood. it makes my spilled emotions feel far more intense.

wow. like being small or emo wasnt ridiculed enough....this dude combined the fucking captain planet of mockery....
all the power to ya homie.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

down the rabbithole

This has been an interesting few weeks.

I've somehow managed to overcome this overwhelming feeling of anger and rejection that was plaguing me. I was a fucking wreck and one day i decided, fuck it, i have to be more positive. I HAD to be, i was losing my fucking mind.

So i did.

Things just fucking change. You start to see the beauty in the little things. I wake up early sometimes, just to take my 10-15 minute walk to the train instead of the bus. I know that sounds like nothing but in the spring and summer, that walk does wonders for me. The trees and the sound of the birds chirping, the buzzing of the insect world, stupid people walking around with their selfish needs on their sleeves.

It all comes together and you kind of get a glimpse on how big this world truly is and you're just a fraction of what exists. Not to sound corny but it's true. Don't get me wrong, i still have my issues with the issues of life like we all do, and im still loud in expressing those issues but my outlook on things are improving.

They've got to. I'm stuck in this weird fucking place right now. I literally see 2 roads.

One road, is me continuing to let procrastination leave me stagnant and unproductive. I can see what i would look like stuck in this whirlpool of repetition. It's not pretty. It breeds this ugly monster and i can feel him dwell inside me, laying dormant, waiting to for his moment to takeover. and when he comes......there's no turning back.

it. it. it.

that word looks inhumane.

do you ever just stare at a word? sometimes i stare at certain words and they start to lose their meaning. almost like that word shouldn't exist. you can lose sight of those meanings. they serve a purpose. don't get caught


The other road i can see, leads to pitch black. Out of the blue and into the black. I'm not sure what's in store for me on this road. It's not as revealing as the other one. This road leads to the point of no return. That spot where the skies and the oceans meet. You've seen it, but you're either too frightened to cross it because you fear the unknown or maybe because you like misery. Maybe you're on that road now. and if you are, you understand me. so few understand.
i think i just entered that road.
I'm scared.
I'm not as asssured as i feel i should be.
I have so many doubts.
I'm not sure what's happened.
or what's happening.
or what's gonna happen.

and that's what excites me the most.

Friday, June 06, 2008

Moment of Clarity....

So i've been really trying to contemplate what i want to do with my life while i try to acheive one of the hardest accomplishments every performer seeks.....success.

So i know i'm still 'only' 22 and i've got a shitload of time, but it's a shitload of time, i've realized, i'm only wasting. So i've decided i HAVE to go back to school, as much as i dread it. I need to prepare myself and set myself up for what i'm hoping will be a very fun, hard, challenging and rewarding life.

That leaves me to go back to my roots. I've searched and continue to search for what i'd want to do in the entertainment industry. I've spoken to the producers, reporters, journalists and many more people at my job, countless times over the past few months, on their professions. It's amazing to see they seem genuinely happy, something i don't think i've truly felt yet, that calm in the universe when everything feels right.

I'm just getting more and more bored everyday. I don't feel like self-pity, it takes too much energy. I just know i have to cut my horrible procrastination and get on with what i've got to do. But the complete and honest truth is.....i don't know what the fuck i want.

I know i want music. I know i want to work hard at it.

But i know at this point, i'm not ready yet. There's something missing. I feel it, this overwhelming feeling that if i don't go and find what i need to do to become successful, everything is gonna pass me by and i'm gonna be left alone and miserable.

This shit has me depressed. There's nothing more confusing then having your heart and logic at odds with each other.

It's a fight that could have serious repercussions. That's what scares the shit outta me.

This life thing is going to get VERY interesting.

Monday, March 31, 2008

searching for my second childhood.

I feel like im looking at shit thru this lense. these grimey, filthy, worn fucking lenses.

things aren't what they used to be.

remember that feeling when halloween and christmas came around, and it FELT like there was something to be excited about.

now all i have is dead faith and pessimistic thoughts of everything i come into contact with.

i hate living thru past emotions. but being a kid coulda been something, were it not for the fucks in junior high who made life a living hell.

i'm working on revenge. the kind that has success at its knees, as well as your enimies.

i don't plot, i plant plans and nurse them, waiting for them to grow into something bigger.

i miss when things werent so complicated. although things were always kinda hectic.

just my mom and i, not much else. people came and went. entered our lives, only to leave forever. im glad most of them are gone.

ive always been man of the house because i was the only real "man" in the house...and that was at 6....

but i remember no bills, no girlfriends, not TOO much bullshit, i was almost completely oblivious to our struggles until i got a bit older.

then things just became mundane, unexciting, uneventful.

i havent seen the world. shiiiiiiiit! i havent seen my own country.

i continue to do the same routines, everyday. night in - night out.

i only get excited for a few things a fucking YEAR.

right now im in limbo between misery and torture. neither place has been fun.

i hope things change. i just hope i can be completely content one day.


Wednesday, March 26, 2008

random verse

wisen up homie / need to lessen all this stress

gotta smoke a couple ounces just to get shit off my chest

more or less / im bored as fuck / uninspired and i'm stuck

at least thats how it feels when blowin' up is based on luck

hardly here / smoked myself damn near the atmosphere

fuck it now / ill smuggle clouds / let me reign above the rest!!!

look wow! / i make horizons form above my crowds!

obviously my skies above some limits / near infinite -

amount of time before my mind finds new stars to visit

im completely oblivious to you idiots / selfish pricks / and egotistical hypocrites

continue to ignore me / i was born an underdog

lets engage in dialogue/ bask in marajuana smog

a different song to sing along / light ya blunts and fill ya bongs

blend mills lane with marvin gaye homie "lets get it on"

vivid moments of failin' / the sweetest taste is prevailin'

sailin' along my paper / paintin' pictures / you trace 'em

that throne is lookin' vacant / these dragons were made for slayin'

watch ya crown which is at stake - like salem

i drop gems over heads / forget it their brains are dead

embed it by drainin' pens / dry markers and breakin' lead

Monday, March 24, 2008










Take the J or Z line to Kosciusko St. or to Myrtle Ave. and walk a few blocks.

Call them at 718-453-6343 if you're lost!! they'll help you!

these heads aint ready for the shit we got.........

im running blanks.

my mind is running at a thousand miles per hour and i cant catch one thought.

ive been sorta down lately with all the bullshit around us.

everything is open for everyones taking and no one sees opportunity crackin' that door open.

once i finish this album, i plan on putting a marketing blitz that will be completely original and dope and FUN.

i'd love to share my ideas but i'll keep 'em fresh at the moment.

but cats gotta be realistic. this music industry just isnt the same. everything we learned in the 20th century has to be re-written.

people dont wanna go to shows anymore without knowing its worth it. people dont buy CD's anymore. people dont wanna carry the same posters/stickers/merch as EVERY other fucking artist.

plus these cats think of the business as straight negative. like EVERYTHING ELSE IN LIFE, there are pros and cons to everything. if you HAVE to do the business on your own, find ways to make it enjoyable so that way its somewhat fulfilling. we all hate the business side of things but they dont have to be completely ignored.

ive got plans for you guys......just good NEW original shit.

im hoping ill get a hang of this marketing game.

we'll see. hopfully i wont disappoint ya'll.


Sunday, March 23, 2008

the butler did it.

ain't this world on some crazy shit???

5 slayed, 3 raped, / yet they makin' the same mistakes
its okay, it'll go away / just keep our minds enslaved
it's thinkin' shit is sweet thats leavin' this bitter taste
someone QUICK! get britney and lindsey the front page
we're to blame for the nonsense / the ignorant closed mindsets
the same dim-wits callin' suburbs with bomb threats
i'm lookin' at what i see/ speakin' on what i know
but no college degree means these thoughts aint feasible
i'm just lookin' to live / just lookin' to breathe
and experience the kind of life that i could only dream
it seems / we swim up stream / fightin' against the odds
but these little knuckle heads avoid workin' too hard
hide behind mom and pop / so fuck ya workin' jobs

i know im drownin' /sinkin' deeper in the abyss
my anger's been a weapon ive mastered by throwin' fits
everything that surrounds me / the world cluttered around me
these fuckers judge my cover but haven't read shit about me

how am i supposed to believe in the american dream
when ive watched the cross become the very symbol of greed?
dumb and naive / it started off with adam and eve
fuck religion / only feel like im being tricked and decieved
no offense to all believers/ im only using my freedoms
look to cut the snakes in the grass but i cant see them

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah rat
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah tat.


Friday, March 21, 2008

and when the clock strikes midnight......we'll ALL be dead.


So this is gonna be where i runaway from the pretentious shit i'm constantly surrounded by. There's been this lingering feeling that things aren't as real as they seem. There are times when i feel this shield come over me, this weird fucking feeling, that im not real. none of this is.

Things seem dream-like, that same feeling of deja vu while on codine.

everything slows down. everything material fades out.

i swear, i just stare at my hands for the longest stretches of time wondering, where the fuck are we????

...... and my perspective of things changed. and that change is slowly taking over.

i used to give a fuck what people said, felt, thought. needed.


now, i can freely say fuck 'em. fuck 'em all. fuck her. fuck him. fuck you. fuck them.

im tired of these egominiacal sons of bitches judging people like this is some american idol shit.

fuck these dead end crews, these poser followers who've got nothing to do but be scum bags and dickheads because THATS their PERSONA.....

their FUCKING PERSONA!.....i find it amazing how we teach our kids to look up to the LEAST real mothafuckaz on this planet.

look around you. look at your surroundings. your hood. your life......

if you can tell what comes after this, then i'd say fuck it, waste all the time in the world then....

we've got one live to live. one chance to enjoy this. one chance to leave behind something bigger than you, me or anything out there. leave YOUR footprint.

ignore religion. ignore conformity. ignore restraints.

our time is now.

go live.