Friday, June 06, 2008

Moment of Clarity....

So i've been really trying to contemplate what i want to do with my life while i try to acheive one of the hardest accomplishments every performer seeks.....success.

So i know i'm still 'only' 22 and i've got a shitload of time, but it's a shitload of time, i've realized, i'm only wasting. So i've decided i HAVE to go back to school, as much as i dread it. I need to prepare myself and set myself up for what i'm hoping will be a very fun, hard, challenging and rewarding life.

That leaves me to go back to my roots. I've searched and continue to search for what i'd want to do in the entertainment industry. I've spoken to the producers, reporters, journalists and many more people at my job, countless times over the past few months, on their professions. It's amazing to see they seem genuinely happy, something i don't think i've truly felt yet, that calm in the universe when everything feels right.

I'm just getting more and more bored everyday. I don't feel like self-pity, it takes too much energy. I just know i have to cut my horrible procrastination and get on with what i've got to do. But the complete and honest truth is.....i don't know what the fuck i want.

I know i want music. I know i want to work hard at it.

But i know at this point, i'm not ready yet. There's something missing. I feel it, this overwhelming feeling that if i don't go and find what i need to do to become successful, everything is gonna pass me by and i'm gonna be left alone and miserable.

This shit has me depressed. There's nothing more confusing then having your heart and logic at odds with each other.

It's a fight that could have serious repercussions. That's what scares the shit outta me.

This life thing is going to get VERY interesting.

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